My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
