just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
