the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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