Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
