I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
