After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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