i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sarcasm needs its own font
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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