guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
