does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Randomize
