I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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