just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
