I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
