i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
