Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
