im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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