You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
