I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
