I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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