i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
