Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
