There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
