Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
