Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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