i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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