Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
