i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
