Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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