i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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