He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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