remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
