Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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