some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
