the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
