mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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