i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
