I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
