we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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