I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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