just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
