i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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