He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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