would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
