Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
