Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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