very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
