you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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