OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
