I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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