i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
