jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
