hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
