new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
