i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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