this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You pole danced in your parka.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
