I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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