Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
